I was talking with a friend one day, she is a little older than I am, and I said something about having an orgasm without penetration.
Now don't ask me how that came up I just don't remember but ask anyone stuff like that always seems to come up when talking with me,
She asked how that was possible, it took me back a minute hearing that question asked. I said well most women have an orgasm with their clit which is on the outside so we don't need penetration. She shared with me that she had never had an orgasm. This was not surprising to me because I have heard that so many times before it just saddens me that women still don't know how to fully enjoy the wonders of sex. This brings me back to the subject of masturbation. Why do so many women have a hang up about touching themselves?

I will say my daughters have some of this down better than most older women. They are really lucky to live in a time when it's ok to have a vibrator, that you can get on line mailed right to your house. But just a piece of advice to the younger generation be proud of who you are. One of my bonus daughters had a vibrator which her mother found in her bed. When she asked her about it she told her it wasn't hers it belonged to a friend. RULE # 1 never share your friend's vibrators and if you do better to claim it as yours then say it belongs to a friend in this case. :)

I look at this two ways really, the first one is why not do it myself if I don't have someone to do it for me. Think about it this way, I love having my hair brushed everyone knows brushing my hair will get them out of any kind of work or trouble. But there is not always someone around to brush my hair so I have to do it myself sometimes. Yes I like it better when I can just sit back and let someone else do the work but if I want that pleasure I just have to do it. I like to go to the movies, I like having someone else there with me to share the experience but if no one can go and I really want to see the movie I go alone, or I love going to the ocean and walking the beach it is really nice to having someone to walk with but sometimes I like going alone it allows me to walk as long or as short as I want without having to worry about what the other person wants or needs.
I could add more but I think you see my point. There is no reason for not going it alone if you want to or feel the desire and have no one around willing to go with you.

Which brings me to the second reason I think women should know how to touch themselves. Remember when I talked about men not knowing instinctively how to please a woman? Well how are we ever going to teach them what we like if we don't even know?  Are we just to wait around for the one guy who knows what women like? Because I can almost promise that the reason he knows is that some woman taught him. SO learn about your body, how it likes to be touched, hard or soft, fast or slow. Learn about different times of the month how it likes things differently. Then once you know how to have an orgasm you can teach any man in your life just how to touch you.

knowing yourself

I was born in the sixties but my coming of age was in the seventies. For me and my friends that meant sex without it being a big deal and pot being easier to buy than cigarettes. I personally didn't care for pot, I just didn't understand why you would want to feel mellow, me I wanted to feel alive.  I could feel mellow or depressed with no help from a drug what so ever. Now sex that made me feel alive.

I know what you are thinking, that this girl was having sex as often as others were lighting up a joint. But if you remember yesterday's post on my ideas that sex diminishes power you would know  I was not having lots of sex, I was flirting with lots of guys.  Now that made me feel sensually, sexually and very alive.

Lets go back to yesterdays blog for a minute, Chris my first teacher left me for another friend of mine, Kathy, now they were very blatant about it walked out holding hands while we were with a group of friends. I was hurt but was not totally bummed about losing Chris as we had sex two times and both were a disappointment and with the excitement and power gone it just was not as interesting dating him. Besides I got the last laugh,  Kathy, she had a boyfriend at the times as well who found out the same way I did that it was over. That night we ended up in each others arms and he taught me what an orgasm was. Oh my! We never slept together again but I did have to laugh thinking about how badly Kathy had traded down. Four years later I ran in to Chris and we got to talking about his being my first. I told him I had learned so much more about myself and my body since then. He politely invited me over to his place to show him all that I had learned. While I was flattered with the offer I had to decline because he was still with Kathy, and while revenge may be sweet I didn't want it enough to have to sleep with Chris again.

Now I am not going to make this blog about every guy I slept with it would be way to boring to read. Let's just say that the next few were really no better than Chris. I realized two things guys did not instinctively know how to please a women in bed and women did not know instinctively know how to please herself in bed. 
This was a problem for me, I had an orgasm! I was not willing to forgo that every time I had sex with a guy.

I got to thinking about why it is that girls don't learn about their bodies, the way boys do? All this sexually freedom we talk about coming out of the sixties and still most women don't know how to have an orgasm.


We hear the comments about boys and masturbation but never about girls. You know the ones, you are going to go blind if you keep playing with that thing, or you are going to get hair on the palm of your hand if you don't leave it alone, or my favorites is you always know when a teenage boy learns to masturbate, he start showering more. Boys are not being instructed in the ways of pleasuring themselves but the jokes let them know that to do it is a normal boy thing. And its not that we are being told not to do it, its just that the silence is telling us very loudly that women just don't do it and to be a normal woman you shouldn't even think about touching yourself.  What a shame this is.

It's like having a really great hi fi stereo in your car, but you don't know how to switch it off AM, so you listen to the music that is not all the great but you learn to accept it, when you could have wonderful music if someone would just show you how to switch the button.

The begining

Once I looked up the meaning of my name, it said it came from Hebrew and meant womanly. I like that. I felt womanly even before I knew that's what my name meant. Of course before I started writing this I looked it up again. Now I find that Andrea is from Greek and its meaning there is Manly. Which I guess would explain why it is so widely used in Europe as a man's name. But I am ok with this meaning to, it doesn't make me feel any less womanly it just adds something to explain the sexual side of my nature.

So here I am a young girl with nothing yet to feel womanly about but my name but I was going to be womanly. I watched other women, I paid attention to man around these women and realized really early that being womanly gave you power. I added a little wiggle to my walk and a smile that said I know something you don't and I was almost ready to test my powers. Of course I had to wait for my body to catch up to my mind.

Boy when it did I was ready to go. You all know what I mean that power you get when you are a teenager and you realize that boys like breast, that men like breast, and having a tight tee shirt can get you out of just about any trouble you get into. Cops would let you go with a warning, male teachers were way more understanding about late homework when you smile that little smile and keep you chest up high. Well that is until I had my first gay teacher, he was not impressed with my lack of work ethic as the others were.

Those days were wonderful, all my friends were males I had rides to and from school, I had help with homework, I could get out of trouble and get away with so many things that my male friends could not. Then it came crashing down not because women lose the power we just give it away. My first real boyfriend, his name was Chris, taught me many things but the most important was that a women losses the power as soon as she has sex with a guy.

I did go look up the meaning of the name Chris, and meaning wasn't fantasy breaker or Power drainer like I expected, no it just meant to have Christ inside of him.

So here I am with this guy that I really like and he really liked me, he tried hard to get me into bed and when I finally went all the way the trying stops. It becomes more expected that the next time we will end up in bed. All of a sudden he no longer has to play the fun little games of putting his arm around my shoulders and try to get a little feel of my breast before I move his hand away, no now he can go straight for the breast because well as he said he's had it before so whats the problem. The problem was the shift in power. I was thinking I just gave up the power for what? Sex? It wasn't even that good I sure didn't get what the fuss was about.

Then I met a friend of Chris' he gave me that look, he went out of his way to talk with me, he did nice things for me that Chris no longer felt he needed to do. Ah the power is back!